Trump appointee: I know nothing!

After the wonderful question and answer fun and games in the Senate Judiciary Committee when Matthew Petersen, nominated to be a judge in the US district court of Columbia, confessed he had absolutely no experience of court proceedings, it is too tempting not to imagine similar Congressional hearings dealing with Trump nominations. This is pure fake news of course. Senate hearing for confirming Rex Tillerson as secretary of state: Question: "So, Mr Tillerson, have you ever been a diplomat?" Tillerson: "No, never." Question: "How do you think your career in oil will help you at the State Department?" Tillerson: "I have no idea. I told the president that. Oh except, me and Putin are old mates." Question: "Are you aware that Putin is being accused of colluding with the president in the election?" Tillerson: "How do you mean, colluding?" Question: "To get Trump elected." Tillerson: "Putin says that's rubbish." Question: "Do you believe it's rubbish?" Tillerson: "I have no view." Question: "What will you bring to State that other secretaries have failed to bring?" Tillerson: "A packed lunch box, my wife makes a superb cold pasta." Question: "Anything else?" Tillerson: "No, I find that fills me up nicely." Question: "I meant, anything else you will be bringing to your job as nominated secretary of state?" Tillerson: "I know nothing about State, so I'll probably ring Kissinger for advice." Question: "Do you know Kissinger?" Tillerson: "No." Question: "Moving on, what will you do about China?" Tillerson: "I've been to China many times." Question: "Yes, but what will you do about China?" Tillerson: "I will go back there." Question: "Do you think Xi Zinping is open for business?" Tillerson: "I've no idea but there's a fantastic shop selling American goods in Beijing's western quarter." Question: "Who would you least like to have as your deputy? " Tillerson: "John Bolton, the guy with that stupid moustache." Question: "You mean the distinguished former ambassador to the United Nations?" Tillerson: "I told Trump I wouldn't go near State if he appointed Bolton to be my deputy." Question: "Would you ever talk to North Korea?" Tillerson: "Not if I could avoid it, but isn't that what diplomacy is about, bore bore, not war war?" Question: "I think you mean jaw jaw, not war war." Tillerson looks confused. Question: "To sum up, can you think of any reason why we should confirm your appointment as secretary of state?" Tillerson: "If you don't, you'll get Bolton sitting here."