Lunch with Trump at the White House

Is lunching with Trump at the White House an item in the diary to look forward to or not? Well it depends who is the invitee and under what circumstances the invitation might have been sent. Today, there are two invitees to the Trump lunch table: Jim Mattis, Defence Secretary, and Rex Tillerson, still Secretary of State but only by his fingertips. The conversation is going to be tricky because Tillerson now knows, thanks to the indiscreet White House officials who spoke anonymously to The New York Times, that Trump is considering sacking him and replacing him at the State Department with Mike Pompeo, the bullish CIA director. Does he raise the small matter of his future, does he ask Mattis to raise it or does he keep quiet and pretend he is perfectly safe in his job? And if he does raise it, does he do so immediately or wait till the main course or dessert arrives on the table? Not an easy series of questions to answer. It will depend on how bold Tillerson feels. Let us hypothesise the luncheon chat: Trump: "Rex, lovely to see you. Jim, always a pleasure, do sit down. No, not there, Rex, that's my seat!" Tillerson: "Mr President, I wondered if there was something I might ask you before we start our lunch?" Trump:" Later, Rex, later. I know the chef has the soup ready to go." Tillerson: "Of course, Mr President, the soup will be nice." Trump: "Jim, what do you think about the Rocket Man after his latest missile launch? Shall we bomb him into a pile of rubbish?" Mattis: "Well, Mr President, perhaps not yet, the intelligence community is looking into the latest launch and will report back." Tillerson: "Mr President, if I might just say...." Trump: "Ah here's the soup. Tuck in." Various slurping sounds as the three men spoon up the parsnip/carrot and chicken soup. Trump: "I would love to give that Little Rocket Man the fright of his miserable life. What can we do, Jim, tell me what we can get away without screwing up my relationship with Xi (President Xi Zinping)." Mattis: "Well, Mr President, as you know, we have the capability to hit North Korea with overwhelming force." Tillerson: "Mr President, I really don't...." Trump: "What do you think of the soup, Rex?" Tillerson: "Eh, very nice, thank you, but about the Rocket Man..." Trump: "I bet right now he's stuffing his big fat belly with foie gras and lobster, what do you think, Rex?" Tillerson: "Eh, the time difference is...." Trump: "Let's have the main course. It's going to be roast cod, yummy!!" Tillerson: "Before it arrives, Mr President, I thought I ought to raise the issue that's in the New York Times today." Trump: "All fake news, Rex, just fake news." Tillerson: "But..." Mattis glances at Tillerson and tries discreetly to shake his head. Trump notices. Trump: "I never read the New York Times, it's all fake news." The cod arrives. Trump grabs his knife and fork and shovels a pile of fish into his mouth. Tillerson: "So there's no truth that you're...." Trump: "Tell me, Jim, do you think Rocket Man is afraid of me?" Mattis: "I'm sure, Mr President, that the North Korean leader is fully aware of the huge military capabilities we have." Trump: "Rex, what do you think?" Tillerson has a mouthfull of cod, pees and mashed potato and splutters and coughs as he attempts to hide his surprise at being asked a question. Tillerson: "Uuuurgh, uuurgh, ha!" Trump looks at him and nods his head as if in agreement. When the dessert arrives, Tillerson plucks up his courage to ask the Big Question: "Mr President, I really do need to know, am I going to stay at State?" Trump: "Rex, what state are you talking about?" Tillerson: "I meant..." Trump: "You should state what you mean." Mattis: "I think what Rex is trying to ask, Mr President, is whether...." Trump: "Enough talking, enjoy your doughnut." Tillerson: "But..." Trump: "Doughnut!" End of conversation and end of lunch.