Xi Zinping briefing part three

A confused Chinese President sits down for his third briefing in three days. President: "Look my plane leaves in two hours. What is it now?" First adviser: "Mr President, you can relax, I've just had that nice Mr Kushner on the phone and he says your meeting is not going to be about making any decisions, it's just supposed to be about airing our views." President: "Airing? What does that mean?" Second adviser: "It's what you put into balloons to make them fly, Mr President." President: "We're going to be flying balloons?" Third adviser: "Well, probably more like kites." President: "Flying kites or balloons, which is it?" Fourth adviser: "Whatever you want, Mr President. But you don't have to bring either the balloon or the kite down. Just fly it." President: "You're talking in riddles." Fifth adviser: "Exactly, Mr President. That's what you have to do with Trump. Talk in riddles. We Chinese are supposed to be very good at that." President: "Are you sure that's what Mr Kushner had in mind, balloons and kites?" Sixth adviser: "Oh yes, Mr President. Just float your ideas and have a nice chat but don't shake hands with Trump on anything." President: "What about his obsession with trade and Kim Jong-un?" Seventh adviser: "Just be enigmatic." President: "But I'm always enigmatic." Eighth adviser: "Well of course you are, Mr President, it's part of the natural Chinese way." President: "Shall I tell him to stop sending aircraft carriers into the South China Sea and warn him that if he gets too close to one our islands there, we'll blast it with one of our ballistic missiles?" Ninth adviser: "No, Mr President, just balloons and kites, no carriers." President: "But I'm fed up with those American carriers coming into our sea and lauding it around like they own the place." Tenth: "None of us like it, Mr President, but if we have a war in the South China Sea, we think that the Americans would win." President: "What!!! You told me last week we were invincible." Eleventh adviser: "Yes, but I read a report this morning which quoted a former American Pacific Command commander saying that China would definitely lose a war with the US." President: "But that's just rhetorical rubbish." Twelfth adviser: "Maybe, but I think we should err on the side of caution." President: "So just balloons and kites?" Thirteenth adviser: "That's correct, Mr President, balloons and kites. And enjoy the swim." President: "What if he offers a golf match?" Fourteenth adviser: "Say no." President: "Why?" Fifteenth adviser: "You've never played golf, Mr President." President: "True, I guess that is a bit of a handicap." Uproarious laughter from the 15 advisers.