Xi Zinping briefing part two

Xi Zinping was all primed for his visit to the Florida resort to see Trump when the US president produced a shocker, what could only be described as a challenge to Beijing. In his interview with Lionel Barber, the very clever editor of the Financial Times, Trump declared that he was prepared to go unilateral in stopping North Korea's nuclear programme, whatever China did or didn't do. The ugly phrase, military option, was sent into the ether. So the Chinese president had to go back for another briefing from his advisers. No talk of swimming trunks this time. President: "So, now what are we going to do? We can't have Trump parading around in our neck of the woods, slinging missiles about and causing mayhem. We have to stop him." First adviser: "Well, Mr President, all you have to do is tell Trump North Korea is a serious business but that whatever threat they may pose, Beijing will sort it out." President: "But I don't think Trump will believe me." Second adviser: "You have to convince him, Sir." President: "But there isn't anything we want to do against our brethren in the Hermit Kingdom. We do a lot of trade with them." Third adviser: "Yes, we do, but we have to convince Trump that we and only we can resolve the North Korea issue." President: "Yes but what does that mean?" Fourth adviser: "It doesn't matter what it means, all you have to do is tell Trump China is a mighty nation and we're in charge. No one else can deal with Kim Jong-un." President: "But we can't handle Kim either. I spoke to him this morning and he slammed the phone down." Fifth adviser: "Yes, he's a petulant young man. He eats too much Western food, all those deliveries of lobster and prawns. Can't be good for him." President: "Hmmm, wish I could have lobster and prawns every day." Sixth adviser: "Did you see what that terrible man Senator John McCain said the other day about Kim?" President: "No, I never listen to Senator McCain." Seventh adviser: "He called him a crazy fat kid." President: "Ho ho ho, that's very funny." Eighth adviser: "Mr President, this is our dear ally, it's not a laughing matter." President: "Well, whatever he is, he's not in the mood to be told to stop playing with his nuclear weapons." Ninth adviser: "I'm sorry, Mr President, but you have to tell Trump to drop any thought of military action. It would be a disaster for all of us. Another Korea war and you know what happened then." President: "Perhaps I should cancel my trip to Florida." Tenth adviser: "No, Mr President, that wouldn't look good. Perhaps, despite our advice yesterday, you should take your swimming trunks, and smile at least twice. Trump might be fooled then into thinking you're going to do something about beloved Kim." President leaves to pack.