Sean Spicer's last press conference

Sean Spicer enters the White House press room for the last time. Every chair and space is taken. A packed audience. The whole of the White House Press Corps is there, plus every foreign correspondent based in DC. The latter all have to stand because the chairs have names on the back: these are the representatives from Fox News, NBC, CBS, New York Times etc. Spicer is wearing a light grey with yellow stripes suit, a green tie and orange shirt. Impeccable as ever. Spicer: I have nothing to announce today other than this is my last press conference before you all. I just wanted to say, it is totally wrong to say I have resigned because I'm upset at the president's appointment of Mr Scarymucci... Shouted voice from the front row: "Scaramucci!!" Spicer: "Sorry, Scaramucci. It has nothing to do with Scary...Scaramucci. I just decided I wanted to spend more time with my family. I've had six wonderful months serving the best president this country has ever had." Washington Post: "What, better than Abraham Lincoln, Franklyn D Roosevelt, George Washington, Dwight Eisenhower, Kennedy.....?" Spicer: "Better than Obama." New York Times: "You said best in the history of the US." Spicer: "I can't believe you're twisting my words. What I said was, President Trump was the best since Obama." New York Times: "But Trump is the only president since Obama." Spicer: "I never said Trump was the best, I just said he was the best president I have ever worked for." New York Times: "But you haven't worked for any other president." Spicer: "You're all the same, you people. You just twist words and claim I say things I never said." Washington Post: "You definitely said Trump was the best president this country has ever had." Spicer: "Yes I believe he is." New York Times: "So, as I was saying, better than Lincoln, Roosevelt, Washington, Eisenhower, Kennedy..." Spicer: "I never said Trump was better than George Washington or Abraham Lincoln." New York Times: "Yes you did." Spicer: "No. I didn't." New York Times: "Yes you did, you said Trump was the best president...": Spicer: "I never compared him to Lincoln." New York Times: "If you say Trump is the best president in the history of our country, then that's tantamount to saying he's better than Lincoln." Spicer: "Tantamount is a long word." New York Times reporter guffaws. Spicer: "Does anyone have a sensible question to ask?" ABC: "Was Lincoln worse than Trump as president of the United States?" Spicer: "I didn't serve Lincoln." Guffaws throughout the room. Spicer: "You see!! This is why I have resigned. It's because of you. You are not serious journalists." ABC: "Actually we are just doing our job, you are the one preventing us from doing it properly because you come out with stuff and then expect all of us just to broadcast it as gospel. But if we say on the next bulletin that you said Trump was the best president in the history of the US, and then compare Trump to Lincoln and Kennedy you will no doubt say it's all fake news and that you never said it." Spicer: "I never mentioned Lincoln." ABC: "That's not the point. The point is, if you think Trump is the best president, then we have the right to compare Trump's achievements with, say, Lincoln and George Washington." Spicer: "I never mentioned George Washington." Wall Street Journal: "What about Ronald Reagan? Is he better than Reagan?" Spicer: "I never mentioned Reagan." Wall Street Journal: "What about George W Bush?" Spicer: "You've got to be kidding me." New York Times: "So, let's get this clear, you definitely think Trump is a better president than George W Bush?" Spicer: "I never mentioned Bush." Washington Post: "Do you think Hillary Clinton would have made a better president than Trump?" Spicer: "Hillary Clinton should be in jail." Washington Post: "So you did manage to mention Hillary Clinton?" Spicer: "Trump defeated her by the biggest majority in the history of the United States." Washington Post: "But that's simply not true." Spicer: "Right, that's a wrap. I've had enough of you. Goodbye. I'm off to spend time with my family. Good luck with Scarymucci."