Maduro doesn't know whether he is coming or going

According to Mike Pompeo, this is the scene that was playing out in Caracas last night. President Nicolas Maduro, alleged leader of Venezuela, took fright when he saw his rival-for-president Juan Guaido standing with a bunch of defected troops demanding his ousting by the army. Maduro ordered his getaway plane to be ready and started packing a few essentials, such as rolls of US dollars, gold ingots, bathing costume and goggles, and told his friends in Cuba he was on his way and to prepare his beach villa for a long stay. This is me, not Pompeo now. Cuban leader Raul Modesto Castro Ruz, then urgently rang Moscow and told his mate Vladimir Putin that Maduro was about to do a runner. Now back to Pompeo: Moscow rang Maduro and persuaded him to stay in Caracas because it would be highly embarrassing for Maestro Putin if his Venezuelan anchorman flew off into exile leaving that much better-looking President-in-waiting Juan Guaido in charge. Maduro took a ittle persuading but eventually agreed to stay and put the rolls of dollars and gold bars back into his safe. (That bit is me of course, not Pompeo haha!). Maduro's aides, let alone his family, must have been wondering what the conchitas was going on. Washington couldn't believe it either. US eyes and ears had been watching and listening and the White House had been told the Big Man Maduro was off to Cuba. That bloke Putin doesn't miss a trick. His argument to stay must have been very persuasive. Anyway, it allowed Maduro to make a statement pooh-poohing Pompeo and effectively accusing him of making up the whole story. He contacted his generals and they all said, allegedly, "Mr President, donna worry we iz all on your side." Pompeo looks a duncehead and Putin is smiling like a Cheshire cat. And Juan Guiado could now get arrested for mounting an attempted coup! What a helluva story. All we need now is for the US Marines to arrive to put Maduro back on that plane for Cuba. Forciby!