Thou shalt not buy jaffa cakes during Coronavirus Easter weekend

Time perhaps for a little levity as we enter lockdown Easter. The chief constable of Northamptonshire, Nick Adderley - ie the police chief in this county in the East Midlands of England - has landed himself in all sorts of trouble by daring to suggest that under section 11, para 4, line 2 in the footnotes of the 2020 Coronavirus Act he is entitled as head honcho in his parish to send his bobbies into supermarkets to search people's trolleys to make sure they are only purchasing essential items such as broccoli and not going for non-essential items such as, say, shoe polish. A bit autocratic and Stalinist but at this time of sacrifice and deprivation and social distancing and no life, a chief constable has to do his duty to uphold the law as he sees it. So, let us envisage the scene in Aldi or Waitrose or Morrison's in the said county and picture a dutiful constable (bobbie) approaching a woman with a huge trolley-load of goodies. "Madam," says the Northamptonshire bobbie, "please stand back two metres and leave your trolley for my inspection." Woman looks alarmed and stands back. Bobbie starts ferreting through her purchases and triumphantly comes out with a packet of delicious jaffa cakes. "And what, madam, are you doing buying jaffa cakes? " "They're for my kids, they love them," says the woman. "Jaffa cakes," says the bobbie, "are not on the chief constable's list of essential food items, so you must return them." "But....." Then the bobbie seizes a tin of pitted prunes. "You don't need these," he says. "Yes I do, on account of my Henry's you know problem," cries the woman. "What problem is that?" asks the intrepid bobbie. "You know, he can't you know, he needs prunes to help him you know...."she whispers." "Madam, I don't know what you're talking about but my chief constable says pitted prunes are not on his essential food list." "But if Henry can't you know what he'll get all bunged up and when my Henry is all bunged up he's a nightmare to live with," she says, beginning to cry. "Sorry madam but rules is rules." "Shit," she replies very quietly. The bobbie continues his search and grabs a bottle of Gordon's gin from the trolley. "Madam, the chief constable says alcohol of any variety is not essential, not in his county, so that has to go." "But I need my gin every evening otherwise life is not worth living, especially if my Henry can't have his prunes to help him you know." Bobbie is adamant and all said items are removed. The rest of the trolley passes the chief constable's guidelines and the woman goes off in floods of tears. The bloke behind her in the queue with a six-pack of Corona lager and a Daily Telegraph is beginning to look very worried.