Trump-May special relationship

There is now a different kind of special relationship between the United States and Britain. I suspect that Donald Trump, under fire from all quarters, and Theresa May, also under fire from all quarters, have something very much in common!! They are both having a dreadful time. Nobody likes them. They once held hands and perhaps now at this critical time in their respective political careers, they are holding hands again, or at least commiserating together over the phone. Let us imagine what they might be saying: Theresa: "Hello, who's that?" Donald: "Trump here." Theresa: "Oh Mr President." Donald: "Please, call me Donald." Theresa: "Donald, how are things?" Donald: "Bloody awful, everyone's against me." Theresa: "I know the feeling." Donald: "What are you going to do?" Theresa: "Well I've brought back the ghastly Gove into my cabinet just to keep him quiet, and let Hammond keep his job at the Treasury...for the moment. Now I've got to talk to these awful so-called Democrats in Northern Ireland. Donald, you wouldn't believe the way they're treating me. They storm out of the room if I start to say no to their demands. I have to call them back and give in. It's so humiliating. My manifesto now looks more like a Labour document. Hard Brexit is now squidgy Brexit, dementia tax has become sweety sweety tax, winter fuel allowance has been doubled for everyone, free school meals is back, and cooked by Jamie Oliver or Gordon Ramsey, I can't remember which, and Northern Ireland is to have a slush fund of 150 billion pounds to do with as they wish. It's a nightmare." Donald: "Can't you tell them all to go screw themselves?" Theresa: "What, and risk having bloody Jeremy Corbyn as prime minister instead of me?" Donald: "Don't worry about Corgy!! I'll get Seal Team 6 to sort him out for good." Theresa: "I wish. Thank you, Donald, what would I do without our special relationship? But hold fire on the Seal option until I've sorted out the gang from Northern Ireland. And how about you, how are you getting on? At least you don't have to have another presidential election." Donald: "I'm going to sack Mueller. Have you seen the criminal investigation team he has recruited? Who does he think he is? He's supposed to be a special counsel, not a special prosecutor. He's getting too big for his boots. He's finished. I don't care if it causes the biggest row since I sacked Comey. I can't have anyone telling me what to do. Comey is a liar, and now Mueller is trying to destroy my presidency." Theresa: "I sympathise, but be careful, Donald, if they try to impeach you, then I won't have any friends left at all. Mind you, I'll be lucky to have a job in six months' time. Why on earth did I go into politics? You get no thanks, and whatever you do, the media hate you." Donald: "Don't start me on the media. I'm planning to abolish the press. Pootin's recommending a sort of Pravda for relaying the news. I Googled it and it looks a pretty cool idea. Don't tell anyone though. If it goes ok, you could try it as well. Must go, Melania's calling for her afternoon massage."