Sunday 26 March 2017

Trump trumped

Trump: "What the hell is going on?" Aide: "Mr President, the Republicans, your party, won't go along with it." Trump: "But I told them, I ordered them to sign up to my wonderful health plan." Aide: "I'm sorry, Mr President, they don't seem to like it." Trump: "Get them all on the phone NOW." Aide: "We tried that, Mr President, in fact you tried that, but they won't listen." Trump: "So they want Obamacare, is that what they want?" Aide: "No, Mr President, they don't but they don't want Trumpcare either." Trump: "Watch how you speak to me, I'm the president." Aide: "Yes, Mr President." Trump: "My plan has to be accepted. Otherwise I can't cut everyone's taxes. The one pays for the other." Aide: "I know, Mr President, but I'm afraid you'll have to find something else to fund tax cuts." Trump: "This is outrageous. How dare they! Who do they think they are?" Aide: "They're democratically-elected members of Congress." Trump: "I know who they are, you OAF. But I'm the president. How do you think they got democratically elected in the first place?" Aide: "Well, Mr President, they were voted in." Trump: "They were voted in, you moron, because of me." Aide: "Ah yes, of course, Mr President." Trump: "Get that Paul Ryan on the phone. He's a disaster. Call himself the leader of the House, and he can't even deliver the numbers for me? Get him on the phone now." Aide: "Yes, Mr President." Phone rings. Trump: "Ryan, is that you? What the hell's going on? You've failed." Ryan: "I did my best, Mr President." Trump: "Best?! BEST?!! Rubbish. I didn't get where I am today by failing." Ryan: "Your health bill, Mr President, just doesn't do it for anyone. It's going to leave millions more uncovered by insurance. That's not sellable." Trump: "Not sellable?! I can sell anything to anyone. I didn't get where I am today by not selling anything to anyone." Ryan: "Well, Mr President, it didn't work this time." Trump: "So where am I going to get the money to pay for my tax cuts." Ryan: "Perhaps you could sell some of your resorts, golf clubs and apartment buildings." Trump: "Ryan, you're fired." Ryan: "Mr President, you can't fire me, I was democratically elected." Trump: "You're finished, Ryan. I didn't get where I am today by not being able to fire people." Ryan: "But..." White House phone is slammed down.

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