Taliban fear no one

I don't suppose the Taliban give Donald Trump a moment's thought. They're in the middle of their fighting season, creating havoc, destroying their country and terrifying the locals. They won't be worrying about what Trump's going to do. Frankly, if he does decide to send a few more thousand troops to Afghanistan it's not going to make such a difference that they will say: "Ok, we give up, let's talk peace, fighting is over." Actually, I don't believe they will ever say that, whatever anyone does. But it's interesting isn't it? Trump came to power vowing to eliminate Isis, take on Kim Jong-un, be tough with the Chinese and support Brexit. Do any of those pledges actually mean anything? During the election campaign, he never mentioned the Taliban or Afghanistan other than admitting it was a bad thing. Deep down, he probably thinks, what the hell are we doing in this ghastly country, nobody cares about Afghanistan, al-Qaeda aren't important anymore, so let's call it a day. But being president is more complicated than that. He HAS to think of what can be done. The trouble is, I don't think anyone has the answer, certainly not the Afghans, and certainly not Europe which is sick of Afghanistan although never says so. Trump has to come up with something sensible but I seriously doubt he will. In the end he will give in to his military advisers and send off a few plane-loads of troops for a few months. Or perhaps he will fire off a few Tomahawk cruise missiles, like he did against Syrian regime forces. Not that that will achieve anything. It didn't achieve much in Syria. That brief flurry of Trump anger is all forgotten now, and the war goes on. Afghanistan and Syria are both issues of despair. Perhaps they will go on for ever, or for another 100 years or so, with Trump and all of his successors failing to find a solution. Afghanistan and Syria will join the list of unwinnable challenges, like the Israel/Palestine question. Everything has been tried and everything has failed.

So who is this guy Corbyn?

For the first time, perhaps, Trump comes into the Oval Office and asks: "So who is this guy Jeremy Whatsit? Do we have to take him seriously? Is he going to beat Theresa?" A few weeks ago, this question wouldn't have come up by any stretch of the imagination in the Trump White House. After all, Trump held Theresa's hand. He couldn't conceive of holding Jeremy Corbyn's hand, or even shaking it. Corbyn is an irrelevant "communist" in American eyes, right? Well, I accept that the likelihood of Jeremy Corbyn becoming the UK's next prime minister is small, if not remote. But it is not out of the question, it has to be considered, if for no other reason than it might provide Trump with a bit of light relief from all that Russia stuff. So here goes for a possible conversation between Trump, Reince Priebus, his chief of staff (it sounds like a name out of a Disney cartoon), Rex Tillerson, secretary of state, and Lieutenant-General HR McMaster, national security adviser (who looks increasingly tight-faced these days). They are all sitting on the edge of their chairs in the Oval Office except for Trump who looks pretty comfortable behind the famous desk. Tillerson answers first: "There are worrying polls saying the gap between the Conservatives and Labour is narrowing, we may have to start thinking of Corbyn as the next prime minister." Priebus pooh poohs Tillerson. "There's no way a man like Corbyn is going to win the election. He wants to put poor people first. The upper classes will never allow it." Trump who had looked bored, asks: "But aren't there more poor people than the rich upper class?" Priebus looks astonished. Oh my god, he thinks, the president is quite smart after all. "Yes, Mr President," Disney Priebus replies, "but in Great Britain it's the upper class who dictate what happens with everything." Trump looks bemused. "But what about that fella Tony Blair, he was a socialist, wasn't he? He won easy," Trump says. The others look at each other with knowing smirks. "Yes, Mr President, technically, but he loved all the posh stuff too, he's a millionaire, has lots of houses and charges half a million bucks for making a speech," replies Disney. General Herbert Raymond McMaster chips in:"Blair was what the Brits call a Pimm's socialist." Disney:"I think you mean champagne?" McMaster gives him one of those looks that could actually kill. Trump: "Can we get back to this guy Corbie." Disney: "Corbyn, Mr President." Trump gives him a look that says, you're fired! Disney curls up in his chair and decides to say nothing more. Trump yawns and says: "Tell me five things I should know about this man." Tillerson replies: "He sounds very calm on TV, has a beard, hardly ever wears a tie, lives modestly and would cancel Trident if he has half a chance." Trump looks astonished: "He has a beard? Tony Blair never had a beard, did he?" The others in the room shake their heads. Trump: "Give me another five things I should know." McMaster moves in: "He probably won't like the special relationship, he hates wars, can't be trusted with our intelligence, wants to tax the rich big time and has plans to nationalise the railways, water supply and other utilities." Trump responds: "If we can't trust him to protect our super intelligence secrets, then the special relationship is over. Finished. Kaputski." Tillerson looks very very alarmed. Trump ignores his look and asks him for HIS five things about Corbyn. "Well," says Tillerson,"May is looking very rattled and just answers everything with the words, strong and stable, while Corbyn seems comfortable with all his answers even when questioned by Paxman. Maybe the people are getting fed up with all the class stuff, he probably won't be as rabidly socialist if he becomes prime minister and although he's a Republican, he says he likes the Queen." "Who or what is Paxman?" Trump asks. "He's a rottweiler interrogator, Mr President," Disney dares to answer. Trump looks confused. "So what are the odds on Corbie winning the election?" he poses. "I think," says McMaster with his very pinched look,"we should not get ourselves into a position where it looks as if we think he cannot win just in case the worst scenario happens and he does win." Trump sighs. "I'm going to ignore Corbie," he says. "Theresa's my man."

Shake on it

All this fuss about a handshake. President Macron is making far too much of it, turning a handshake into a power struggle, telling the world that no fellow leader is going to get to grips with him and win. It's all rather pathetic. First it was the Trump handshake, the bone-crushing one which Macron revealed was the American president's attempt to emasculate him and show him who is boss. Then it was the handshake with Putin. Tough but businesslike. Get a life, Monsieur Le President. A handshake's a handshake. Don't go overboard about it. The really cool leaders deal with it without telling the world what it means and how it should be interpreted. To be frank, the whole handshake thing is really rather petty. A president, even one elected only recently, should ignore such stuff. Far more important are the eyes. Did you, Monsieur Le President, look into Trump's and Putin's eyes without wavering? That says more about a leader's personality and strength than a handshake, however eyes-watering it might be.

McMaster be careful

Lieutenant-General HR McMaster is a good bloke, a brilliant strategist, an expert counter-insurgency commander, trusted by his military colleagues and probably the best mind in the White House as Trump's national security adviser. But McMaster made a mistake yesterday. He came forward, presumably under pressure from the bosses above him, to speak to the press about Jared Kushner. Actually, he didn't speak directly about Kushner, the 18-year-old (well, he looks 18 to me) son-in-law of the president and a multi-millionaire. But he did speak about secret back channels between governments in a general statement clearly aimed at clearing Kushner of any wrongdoing by trying to set up a communications link with the Russians, and, astonishingly, using Russian apparatus at their embassy in Washington to maintain the secret channel. It was a blatant attempt by the White House to push forward the most trusted official in the Trump administration to put a gloss on the Kushner/Moscow relationship. This is dangerous for McMaster. He has a reputation to keep and it could be seriously damaged if he tries to "interfere", even indirectly, in the FBI's investigation of the alleged collusion between the Trump election campaign team and the Russians. Now it's true that over history, the role of the secret back channel has played an important part in attempts to resolve tricky political challenges. Norway, for example, was used by the Clinton administration to engineer a proposed peace settlement between the Israelis and the Palestinians. And the British government used a very secret back channel to start peace talks with the Provisional IRA, using intermediaries. The ETA terrorist organisation also agreed eventually to lay down its arms following long and very secret negotiations in which leaders of the group met with intermediaries in Geneva and elsewhere. A British former special forces veteran played a role in that top secret operation, transporting ETA leaders in his car to the agreed meeting places. But McMaster is working for the most controversial president since Richard Nixon. Trump could even face impeachment the way things are going. Obviously McMaster has to be a loyal servant of the administration. He agreed to work for Trump. But to be used by Trump to tell the world that secret back channels were fine and dandy did NOT look good, General McMaster. Be careful to guard your reputation, do not always agree to do what your master bids, McMaster.

Trump in the china shop

Trump's first foreign trip was not disastrous! Phew!! He was gracious to the Pope - although not gracious to poor Sean Spicer who got excluded from the audience with the Holy Father even though he was the most devout Catholic in the delegation - he appeared to curtsy to the Saudi king, he didn't say anything dreadful to Netanyahu, was warm and cosy with the Palestinian leader, and didn't shout at Merkel. Yet, throughout the trip there was the sense of a bull in the china shop, a big man pushing his way around, his lips thrust out like Mick Jagger but without the swingy hips. He grasped President Macron's hand like he wanted to tear it off his arm, as if there was a message there. "I'm boss in the Western world, don't try and upstage me, you little froggie squirt, excuse my French." Macron's eyes watered, but, good for him, he tried to give the same back, but I think the handshake challenge was probably won by Trump. He can't speak a word of French but oui oui oui he can grip a Frenchman's hand like a real tough guy American president. Then, of course, there was the hapless Montenegro prime minister. He was pushed to one side during the gathering of Nato leaders, like a Melania swat. Dusco Markovic, excited at attending the Nato session with his country only recently accepted into the mighty Cold War-winning security organisation, gets the Trump heavy hand. "Out of my way, whoever you are, I'm the president of the USA." Markovic, bless him, was positively saintly about the push, saying that it was quite right for the US president to want to be in the front for the Nato family picture. But can you imagine the cool dude Obama ever doing something like that? He would have been charm itself, even gently pushing Markovic into the front line, as the new kid on the bloc. Trump hardly seemed to notice what he had done, just one shove, then pulled his jacket together, did the Mick Jagger lips routine and prepared himself for the photo. There's a lesson here, Donald. You don't have to be a bully boy to be president of the United States. On the contrary, as the commander-in-chief of 10 nuclear-powered aircraft carriers, dozens of submarines - two of which we now know are off North Korea, thanks to Trump's boasting to the dreadful President Duterte of the Philippines - thousands of super-duper (as Trump would say) special forces troops and so many nuclear missiles he has lost count, you need to be charming, courteous, respectful even towards the smallest of nations, friendly and extremely smart and knowledgeable. Trump has few of those attributes. He ain't going to make any friends the way he conducts himself, apart from the Pope maybe.

Who leaked the Manchester bomb scoop?

For journalists, being presented with a scoop is hard, if not impossible, to resist. The New York Times reporter who was sent pictures of the shattered bomb parts from the Manchester terror attack would have jumped up with excitement when they landed on his computer screen. No newspaper in the UK had published such pictures. So it was a mighty scoop for the New York Times, and they went ahead and printed them in the paper after, what a spokesman for the illustrious newspaper said, due consideration had been given to the potential damaging impact of publication. I somehow doubt there was a long debate. Publishing the photos would put the New York Times ahead of the game. That's what newspapers like to do. I wonder if any of the editorial executives questioned whether this would be a serious breach of confidence or that it would damage intelligence-sharing relations between the US and the UK, or that they would upset the families of those children killed and injured. From my experience as a very long-time journalist, someone in the newsroom would have said: "Well if we don't publish them, someone else will." And another person would have argued:"If we fail to publish these pictures we could lose our special source. He might go to a rival newspaper. Our scoops from Manchester could dry up." And perhaps another executive, such as the picture editor, might have said: "They're just photos of bits of bomb. It's not like we're publishing pictures of dead children." Everyone would have nodded at that and the decision was made. Publish! I can sympathise with all those arguments and I understand why the New York Times decided to publish them. But none of them predicted the fury it would cause in the UK and particularly in Manchester where British reporters are obliged to follow certain rules of reporting, including not writing anything which might have a damaging impact on an ongoing police investigation. The earlier leak, on CBS, that identified the bomber - again before any British media organisation and several days before the British police wanted the name to be released - meant that family, friends and associates of the 22-year-old suicide bomber, and the other members of the terror network responsible for the attack, were tipped off that the police would be on their trail. Perhaps the bombmaker himself was able to escape as a result. Now that, even more than the pictures of the bomb components, would be seriously damaging to the police investigation. No wonder intelligence-sharing on the Manchester bombing between the UK and the US has been suspended. I think it's a reasonable assumption to say that the leaker of both the name of the bomber and the pictures came from a source or sources in the FBI, not the CIA or the White House or the National Security Council. The FBI is a huge organisation and journalists develop sources more easily in the FBI than in the CIA. The CIA is a far more secretive organisation, and I know - although I can't say why I know - that the CIA was being absolutely straight about questions raised with them about the Manchester bombing. Their response to all such questions was that the agency deferred to the UK authorities In other words, no comment. So it's more likely that someone in the FBI leaked the information. The British police share their confidential information with the FBI, as a law enforcement partner, not the CIA, although both organisations are well represented at the US embassy in London. The material from the Manchester police and MI5 and Metropolitan Police counter-terrorism command would have been passed to the US embassy on secure links for the FBI and CIA to disseminate to their headquarters in the US. So a lot of people would have known the identity of the bomber and seen the pictures of the bomb components. It only takes one person in the FBI with access to such information to ring the media. Donald Trump has vowed to hunt down and punish the leaker. But he or she will never be found. But the leaker might now think twice about breaching confidencies again, which means no more scoops for the New York Times!

Trump gets a lawyer

It's always a sensible move to get a lawyer when your reputation, status and job are all under threat. But it's a much bigger deal when the person in question is the president of the United States. Trump has asked his old lawyer friend Marc Kasowitz to stand up for him as the mountain of intelligence, speculation, leaks and FACTS come pouring in about the Russia connection. It's a helluva job for Kasowitz, by all accounts a smooth dude who mixes charm and niceness with steely aggression to get his way for his clients. It just may not be enough to save Trump, although the possibility of impeachment still seems a long way off. Let's speculate on the sort of conversation Trump may have had with Kasowitz. "Marc, this is the president of the United States." "Yes, Donald, how are you, nice to hear from you." "Things could be better, everyone is against me, even Melania. It's a conspiracy." "Can I be of help?" "Yes you can." "Didn't your predecessor say that?" "What predecessor, what you talking about?" "Sorry, I was being flippant, I was referring to Obama." "Obama bugged my office!" "Er, yes Mr President, but can I give you a bit of advice? Don't mention Obama and NEVER mention Nixon. You want to avoid any comparisons with past presidents." "OK, how much will that bit of advice cost me?" "Nothing for the time being, Mr President. But if I'm going to represent you, you've got to be careful what you say and what you do. For example, please don't ring the FBI or the CIA or the NSA or ABC or NBC or CNN and ask them to back off from investigating the Russia affair." "But I'm the president of the United States, I can do what I like and people should do as I tell them." "I'm afraid not, Mr President, it's not that simple although of course I understand your frustration. And you may recall that President Nixon thought the same and told his chief of staff to contact the CIA to order the FBI to back off from investigating the burglary at Watergate." "He did?" "Yes he did, and it was leaked. It was the beginning of the end of Nixon's presidency." "No one's going to end my presidency. I'm going to do two terms." "I'm sure you will, I'm sure you will, but just in case, please stop making those calls. The investigation is going to continue whether you like it or not." "It's a disgrace. I won the biggest majority of votes in the history of the United States. The people want me to be the best president ever." "Of course they do, and you will be, but...." "But you want me to keep my mouth shut?" "Mr President I would never be so rude as to advise you to do that but I do ask you to be cautious. The vultures are flying over Washington and I don't want them to land and start eating you up." "All the media are vultures. The Democrats are vultures. The FBI is a vulture machine. I can trust no one. Except you, Marc. So you will represent me?" "Yes, Mr President. You can count on me." "Thank you. I'm off to see the Pope." "Smart move, Mr President." "By the way, did you see the television pictures of Melania swatting away my hand when we arrived in Israel?" "Er, I believe I did." "Unbelievable. We'd had this row over breakfast on board Air Force One, and she went all grumpy. You know, like women do. But her revenge was outrageous. It was against the constitution, it was an insult to the president. Can you do something about that? Send her a warning letter or something?" "If I do, it will be leaked, Mr President. Let me stick with the Russia thing, ok?" "Bloody woman!"

Now it's getting serious

You have to listen to the whole testimony of John Brennan, the former CIA director, to understand how serious it is now getting for Donald Trump. Brennan was appointed CIA director by President Obama, but Brennan is a longstanding CIA career veteran, his loyalties are not to the former president but to the agency. He is also, I would say, determined to speak the truth, but based on his intelligence experience and knowledge. Throughout his testimony before Congress today, he made it clear he was not talking about "evidence" but intelligence. He said it was up to the FBI to find evidence to prove there was collusion between the Russians and the Trump campaign team to undermine Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign. His (Brennan's) role when he was director of the CIA was to provide intelligence; and his intelligence was devastating today. Brennan admitted after more than an hour of questioning by senators on the intelligence committee that he had been aware of Russian officials getting in touch with certain individuals of the Trump campaign in an attempt to "suborn" them. He said these contacts had concerned him because of the fear that they were cooperating with the Russians. That's not the same as saying Trump was in collusion with Moscow during the election campaign, but it's getting closer and closer to that situation. The potential here is mind-blowing. Robert Mueller, the former FBI director, is investigating the Russia link to the Trump campaign, including possible collusion with Moscow. That inquiry is being kept confidential. But the Brennan statement and the pile-up of leaks appearing in the New York Times and Washington Post are giving this issue an incredible momentum. As a commentator said on MSNBC, "the tide is rising". That word "impeachment" keeps on being mentioned, not just from the mouths of Democrats but from Republicans, too. If "criminal" evidence of wrongdoing can be found against Trump and his closest associates, and if proof emerges that the president has been lying all along about everything to do with the Russia story (in other words, obstructing justice), it's difficult to see how he can avoid at least an attempt to impeach him. This is a total disaster for America and for the American people. They voted for Trump. How many of his supporters will now be thinking: "Oh my god, did we make the biggest mistake of our lives?"

Hunt for the leakers

The FBI, White House and journalists on every newspaper except for the New York Times and Washington Post are dying to find out who is the source for all the scoops that have been appearing in the two premier American papers. Every day there's a new leak, every day there's a new front page scoop. Trump is being driven mad. Find the leakers, he tweets every day. I can now reveal the source of the leak but I cannot reveal the identity. It is just too sensitive, but there are clues that might help you to uncover the secret Deep Throat source. "Is that David?" Deep Throat source on the end of the line to the New York Times. "Yes, who's that?" "Eeez your soorse." "Ah." "I ave ze very strong story. Da?" "Ah, good, I have my pen ready." "You like ze full transcript of talk between Trump and Fatboy?" "By Fatboy you mean....?" "Da, the same, Sergey...." "Ok, great. It's verbatim, yes? "Da." "Is that Sergey?" "Niet, niet!!" "Sorry." "No names, no names." "Of course." "So, David, Trump said, tell Putin the deal's a deal. I won't let him down." "WHAT!!!" "The deal's a deal." "You sure?" "Da, da, I was there." "What did he mean?" "It's the Golden Shower agreement." "WHAT!! You mean it really happened?" "Of course, of course, da, da. We ave ze pictures." "So what does Trump have to do in return?" "I cannot tell you that." "But I can't write anything without knowing everything." "You Americans are all the same. Take it or leave it." "Ok, ok, so Trump actually said, tell Putin the deal's a deal." "Da, da." "And this is true?" "Da, da." "You're not giving me fake news?" "Niet niet. We don't do fake news." "So if I print it, how shall I source it?' "US officials." "But you're....." "US officials or you're off my leak list." "But you're...." "Ok, I'll go to the Washington Post. That nice man Greg will get the story." "Ok, ok, US officials it is. Can I ask you one more thing?" "Niet." "But.." "Niet." "Ok, give my regards to Sergey." "Spasiva."

Trump banned from US

This is the wildest scenario, all in jest of course (sort of). Donald Trump swings through Saudi Arabia, Israel, Italy, the Vatican and Brussels for nine days with most of his cabinet with him. Back home in DC, there's plotting and planning, and I don't mean the FBI who are now setting their next sights on a key member of Trump's inner circle (Jared Kushner, Steve Bannon, perhaps?), but Republican hierarchy godfathers. Could they be thinking, what the hell are we going to do with this fella, we can't go on like this, it's going to end in doom, impeachment, the works. It's going to be a total disaster for the country, for us, the Republican party, another Nixon on our record. What can we do? There's a decent president in the wings, dear old Mike Pence, who would do a pretty good and totally uncontroversial job in the White House. So, PLEASE, someone think of a ruse whereby we can get rid of Trump and anoint Pence. And then it hits them? What do leaders in the Third World with desperate scandals at home always fear doing while rebellion is building against them. They don't go abroad on a trip in case there's a coup while they're away. "Sooooo, why don't we do that?" "What do you mean," everyone in the plotting frame of mind asks? "Well," says chief plotter (unidentified), "Trump is away for nine days, Pence is here at home, why don't we ban Trump from coming back in?" "WHAT," they all shout!! "No, really, we could cite the fact that he's been to a Muslim country and therefore under section 94, clause 33 of the blaa blaa act, he has lost the right to return to the US." "But he's the president for heaven's sake, we can't do that!!!" "But," says chief plotter, "these are desperate times. Trump is away, let's keep it that way!!" Everyone looks bemused, worried, startled, amazed, delighted, hugely happy and there follows a mass of high-fives. "Brilliant idea," they all chorus. "But what about the rest of them, his delegation, we can't ban McMaster, we need him, not sure about Tillerson, and what about Jared?" "Yeah," all agree, "ban Jared, definitely. He can go live with his father-in-law in.....well wherever he's going to live. Any suggestions?" Someone whispers "dacha" but everyone else behaves as if they haven't heard. So it's decided, Trump will not be allowed to return to the USA. It's a done deal. Everyone leaves the room to let the New York Times know what is planned.

Trump travels

Donald Trump is on the move, his first foreign trip since becoming president. His delegation going with him must be having kittens. What will he say, how will he say it, will he know what the key issues are? Now this may sound terribly patronising, but, actually after his disastrous last `10 days, there is good reason to wonder how he will perform in such different places as Saudi Arabia, Israel and Belgium. Those who know Trump and those foreign leaders who have met him, such as Theresa May and Angela Merkel, apparently think he is charming, listens well, and has a good manner. Except of course when Merkel offered to shake his hand for the cameras while they were sitting in chairs next to each other, and he showed total indifference. Well, it looked like total indifference, but it may be that he either didn't spot her outstretched hand or he couldn't be bothered to do anything to please the gathered photographers. In Saudi Arabia he'll have to be careful to observe the respect rituals. The Saudis are easily miffed. But Trump will have been grilled, and provided he offers a huge arms deal, which apparently Jared, his son-in-law, has already fixed, things should go swimmingly. Israel will be tricky because Netanyahu is a prickly chap who won't like to be talked down to, as Obama did, or as BB thought Obama did. Obama got cross with him over the settlements issue on the West Bank and he didn't like that. Trump is a different breed of human being, not cool and intellectual, but a businessman who likes chandeliers and bling and has his own golf courses, and is so sick of the Russia collusion thing that just to be out of Washington in the fresh air will put him in a good mood. He will be ready to talk deals. He loves that. But in Israel there's all sorts of pitfalls to avoid. First up will be Trump's enthusiasm for having the US Embassy move to Jerusalem. That won't happen of course because there would be riots across the Arab world. King Abdullah of Jordan has already warned him about that, and he won't want to piss off King Abdullah because he's a frightfully good chap and Jordan is key key key to what's going on in neighbouring Syria. King Abdullah is a good egg and if he says no to the US embassy in Jerusalem I doubt Trump will do the opposite. But of course that will piss off Netanyahu. You can't win. Well, Trump can't win. He'll probably fudge that one and start talking straight about those settlements and the two-state solution and please be nice to the Palestinians. And don't mention Hamas. Just hand over yet another arms package and off you go to the next capital. So I doubt Trump will solve the riddle that's been around for 70 years, how to make peace, proper peace, between Israel and Palestine, however charming he is. Netanyahu can also be very charming but with a steely inside that won't give in to entreaties about doing anything that might even hint at making the tiny country of Israel more vulnerable - in his view and the view of the dodgy coalition he has breathing down his neck every day. But I expect Trump to breeze his way through all the pitfalls and obstacles and make nice with all the leaders he meets. He needs friends right now, any friends, anywhere.

Full-scale war in Washington

There's no getting away from it. There's bedlam in Washington, total chaos, a war of big personalities, and it's dangerous for all of us. How Theresa May must now be regretting holding Trump's hand in London. That hand is getting dirtier and dirtier (Trump's that is). The appointment of Robert Mueller as special counsel (NOT special prosecutor as some people are still saying; there's a difference) is a smart move. But of course it wasn't Trump who appointed him, it was the new hero of the hour, Rod Rosenstein, the deputy attorney general. Now he's a political appointment but oh my goodness has he taken an independent track in dealing with the Grump (sorry, Trump)administration. First he objected like hell when Trump told the world he had sacked James Comey as director of the FBI on Rosenstein's recommendation. He did no such thing. Trump just asked Rosenstein to write down reasons for criticising Comey, then used the deputy attorney general's honest, up-front memo to screw Comey and say it was the Justice Department who demanded his termination. We all knew, and especially Rosenstein knew, that was a lie. So the poor dedicated lawyer who has never had to sink into such a political swamp before in his distinguished career, rang the White House and basically said: "Put the record straight or else..." Then he decided off his own bat to appoint Mueller as special counsel to oversee the Russia/Trump investigation BEFORE informing the White House that that was what he intended to do. Good for him, and, by the way, quite within his right as a government lawyer so to do. So Rosenstein is a man of integrity and, I suspect, a stickler for rules and fair play. I wonder if he informed Jeff Sessions, his boss, before making the announcement. Somehow I doubt it, because Sessions is too close to Trump and might have tipped him off. Trump. judging by his latest tweet, is furious and thinks he is the hardest done by president in history. I don't think so! Richard Nixon became enemy number one over Watergate and was constantly being accused in the papers of criminal activities. But slowly, bit by bit, leak by leak, revelation by revelation, Trump is edging towards a Nixon-style downfall. Personally, I don't believe, or cannot believe, that Trump actually colluded with Moscow (Putin) to make sure he beat Hillary Clinton to the White House. But if Mueller finds anything that confirms this, Trump is yesterday, he's finished, he's on the road to impeachment. It won't need a Deep Throat investigation by the Washington Post. Rosenstein, Comey and Mueller (that well-known firm of lawyers hahaha) will be the ones to raise the axe, and Congress, Republican-dominated, will have to move into line. Mike Pence, prepare yourself for the presidency!

Trump blaming everyone but himself

So we're in for some sackings, a night of the long knives as they say in politics. Trump is pretty well furious with everyone, even his beloved son-in-law. He is blaming everyone else for the series of disasters he has suffered this week, not for a moment thinking that perhaps he is the one to blame. Trump is even beginning to turn against HR McMaster. Not that long ago he thought he was the greatest. Now apparently he views him as a pain in the whatsit because he has the temerity to interrupt him almost as soon as he starts pontificating. Well I guess that's his job, to stop his commander-in-chief from saying something stupid, false or downright embarrassing. But interrupting a man like Trump is dangerous. He doesn't like anyone to speak louder than him. So watch your step General McMaster. You could go the way of Sean Spicer who looks like he is for the chop. He'll be moved to some unimportant flunky role where he has to ensure Trump has enough toothpaste and to be around when his shoes need buffing up. Trump should get himself in front of a mirror and say 20 times, "I am going to be a good president and I will always speak the truth and I will be nice to the nice people and tough to the horrid, oh and I will tell all my advisers and staff what I'm thinking so there are no surprises." Right now the White House is full of people who spend every day panicking, because they haven't a clue what the president is going to say or do next. This is why McMaster keeps on interrupting him because when a certain line of argument or a specific policy is agreed, and then Trump goes all topsy turvy and says something else, McMaster has little choice but to remind him what was agreed just a few hours earlier. Anyone working in the White House needs a medal.

Trump's intel blunder

Assuming the Washington Post and New York Times stories are true, Trump has committed the gravest of sins. He got so excited about the top secret intelligence he had been briefed on about an Isis plot that he revealed it to.........Sergei Lavrov, the Russian foreign minister. Now you might argue, so what? Russia is as anti-Isis as the US and the rest of us, so it's not like Moscow is going to tip off the Islamic militants about a likely spy in their ranks. But that's not the point. The point is that Trump, impetuous as ever, decided to tell Lavrov that they had a brilliant source - or actually even more damaging, an ally had a brilliant source - inside Isis who was revealing all the latest plottings. The intelligence agency that passed such an amazing titbit about a laptop plot to the US was most likely one of the so-called Five Eyes group of countries. That's the UK, Australia, New Zealand, Canada who share pretty well everything with the US. It could be the Saudis but I think unlikely. So if it's the UK or one of the other prime intelligence allies, it could not be more damaging. You simply do not reveal anything about Five Eyes intel to anyone else unless specific permission is given. Why? Because of the need to protect sources. HR McMaster and Rex Tillerson came out and spoke to reporters as soon as the story broke and said it was false. But read their lips!! They said Trump did not reveal any sources or methods or operations. They know that because they were in the room at the time Trump blurted out his scoop to Lavrov. This is probably strictly true but it's the truth surrounded by a blatant omission. If Trump said: "Hey, Sergei, we got this great source who has told us that Isis in Syria (ie Raqqa) is plotting to detonate a laptop bomb on an airliner." Lavrov doesn't need to know who the source is or which country passed this on to the US. He now knows, in fact the whole world knows, including Isis - thanks to the huge coverage given by every newspaper - that there's a spy working against Isis and providing key intel. But here's the really damaging bit of this new scandal in the Trump administration. The slip by Trump could have been contained within the White House - and the Kremlin - if the "official" and "former official" had not rushed off to warn the CIA and others about it and then informed the Washington Post and New York Times. Suddenly it's world news. I think that is unbelievably irresponsible. Trump was an idiot for telling Lavrov what he told him - never mind McMaster's dodgy denial - but the leak of the blunder then compounded the error by revealing it to the world. Now Isis has been tipped off, there'll be a hunt for the spy!! I don't want to think about the consequences of this latest ghastly example of Trump impetuosity and the irresponsibility of the leakers in Washington.

Is Trump too impetuous to be president?

What worries me is that Trump gets so angry about things - Comey, the media, Comey, the media, the intelligence services, Comey, disloyalty, the media - how can he get his emotions assembled in the right frame to make massive decisions, like what to do about Kim Jong-un who just will not go away. Trump's sacking of Comey was building up over many weeks, or so we are told by Trump and his loyal press spokespeople. But to the rest of us mortals it looked pretty damned impetuous. He was sick to the teeth of Comey going on about the Russia investigation and just like that said to himself, Comey you're dead meat. Enough. Get me the attorney general and his deputy whatever his name is and we'll cook up a good reason for terminating this 6ft 8ins pain in the butt. Voila, Comey was gone! Now what happens when someone rushes in with the latest CIA intelligence which states that Kim Jong-un is at that very moment rolling out a mighty ballistic missile and it looks like it might have a nuclear warhead at the top and there are people in white coats fanning out all over the place. This, Mr President, could be it. Kim is going to do it. The impetuous Trump might say, this guy has got to go, put our nukes on high alert, get that THAAD machine revved up, let's splat him before it's too late. Well, ok, no president wants to be the one who failed to take action when North Korea was about to launch a nuclear ICBM at Hawaii, but that's the sort of decision-making that needs a deep-thinking president capable in a few minutes to assess all the angles and to pick up the phone to Beijing and Moscow and then make the best decision. Impetuosity is not what is needed. But most people in the White House seem to be afraid of Trump, certainly afraid of his temper. It will be times like this when HR McMaster, supremely cool national security adviser, and James Mattis, hard-nosed veteran combat commander and defence secretary could just save the world.

Trump's week

It has been a helluva week for Trump. Not many pluses for him, apart from the new trade deal with China under which the Chinese banks are allowed to march into the US investment market and Chinese chicken farmers are allowed to sell chickens in the US in return for a lifting of the ban on American beef imports. But all the focus has been, of course, on Comey. Not just his sacking and all the rumpus that caused but what may or may not have been exchanged between Comey and Trump at a private dinner in the White House some time ago. All very intriguing. Did Trump demand Comey's personal loyalty (read allegiance) to the Great Man in return for keeping his job, did Comey say, "no way buddie but I promise always to be honest," (unlike you Mr President - Comey's thought bubble). And did either Comey or Trump record the conversation? Easy for both men. Trump just had to get his super security ex-police detective bodyguard to set him up with a bug under the table or under his lapel, and Comey could have gone to his wiretap blokes and said: "Fix me up with a wire." Comey, according to friends close to him (ie Comey) said the ex-FBI director was more than happy if Trump had a recording of The Conversation, implying he had a record of exactly what had been said over dinner Which must be why Trump issued the thinly veiled (actually not veiled at all) threat to Comey via Twitter not to even think of releasing a transcript of the chat to the media. Sean Spicer said it wasn't a threat, just a statement of the facts. A bit like when Don Corleone might have said to an underling: "You let anyone know what we have just talked about and I'll invite you to my house and you can sleep with my fishes. Capeesh?" Comey certainly got the message because he decided to turn down the invitation to speak to the Senate intelligence committee next Tuesday. He knew that the first question would have been: "So Mr former director, what DID the president say to you at that dinner?" One day, sometime soon, not too much in the distant future, that conversation will be published. But who will leak it, and if it is leaked, will it be the true conversation? I'm not generally a conspiracy theorists but this is all wonderful stuff. And we're only 113 days into the Trump presidency. There is a whole lot more to come. Next week I expect Trump will rearrange his press spokesmen/women. Spicer might be for the chop. Probably deserved but actually while all the fun was going on this week, he was whisked away to serve time in the Navy Reserve. So for most of the week he was playing sailorboy, leaving his female deputy to shoulder the burden of explaining away wildly changing explanations for Comey's sacking. She sounded almost as unconvincing and unconvinced as Spicer.

A little bit of advice goes a long way

The important thing about making decisions if you are president of the USA, or president of most nations - there are obvious exceptions, Russia, North Korea, Iran, possibly China - is that you have to think of the likely political consequences. So, you sack the FBI director, but before you do, you sit down with all your closest mates for a brainstorm. "So, guys and girls, what are the 100 questions that will be asked once I have announced that James Comey has been terminated?" I can think of 100 questions without any trouble at all. The first one would have been: why terminated and not sacked?! Advisers with proper political brains would have warned Trump right away, if you do this Mr President, you will be accused of trying to interfere with the FBI investigation into the Russia collusion affair. Er, Mr President, no one, I mean no one is going to believe the Hillary Clinton email line. Mr President, I think you should wait a bit. Haven't we got Sergei Lavrov turning up in a few hours? Mr President, better the devil you know than the devil you don't know. If, as we all know, there is nothing behind the "collusion" allegation, then let Comey stay on in the job and he will confirm this in due course. Sorry, Mr President, you say he refused to be loyal to you. Well, I'm sorry, he's the director of the FBI, not your personal security guard. He's supposed to do his job according to the criteria laid down when the FBI was founded and it doesn't state anywhere that the director is supposed to do what he is told by the encumbent president. Comey promised to be honest. Well I should hope so. But loyalty is not part of the deal. Whatever you do, Mr President, come out with an explanation and then stick with it. The worst thing to do is to change the explanation every two minutes because that will make you look like a total idiot. No disrespect, Mr President. So, to sum up, don't do it, don't even think of doing, or if you're determined to do it, don't do it now.

Trump is an angry man

It looks like Trump was totally taken aback by the tumult of criticism he received over the termination of James Comey, probably the tallest FBI director in history. Well, shock shock shock. Anyone with any knowledge of news stories and how reporters/editors react when there's an announcement of this excitement coming out of the White House would know that the reaction is going to be big, huge, monstrous and largely CRITICAL!!! How could it be anything else? Trump seems to have thought that his decision to sack Comey would be welcomed by everyone, except possibly Comey and his wife. But no, to his amazement and bewilderment, nearly everyone was flabbergasted and accused Trump of the biggest cover-up since Watergate. Even the Democratic establishment who only a few months ago were bellowing for Comey's dismissal, shouted scandal when they were told the news. Poor old Trump. He is so badly advised that, for once, he actually thought he was doing the right thing. You just can't win when you're president of the USA. The trouble is Trump is such an inner circle sort of president that he didn't even bother to inform his press office till about an hour before the statement was put out. They must have gone ballistic. But none of them thought to tell the president, no no no, this is a disastrous PR move. The papers will slaughter you. There'll be talk of impeachment. They'll say you're as bad as Richard Nixon. Oh my God, it's Watergate all over again. Only it will be called Comeygate. Well, of course, the likes of Sean Spicer and co wouldn't dare tell the president he had got it all wrong. It was too late anyway, the letter had already been written and this mysterious former police chief who is Trump's principal bodyguard and go-to flunky (what do the Secret Service think of him I wonder?), was probably on his way to FBI HQ even as Spicer was desperately trying to think of how to spin the disaster. I actually feel sorry for Spicer for once. What the hell can you say to make this decision look good? What you don't say, under any circumstances, is "the President did this for Hillary." Which is pretty well what the White House did say, at least for a few hours. Then they had to change it by saying Trump wanted to sack Comey way back but let him ride for a bit longer until suddenly, enough enough, off with his head. Spicer didn't know which way to turn, he gathered reporters around him in front of a hedge on the White House lawn and shouted, "no cameras no cameras!!" He didn't want this momentous moment to be filmed because he could see the video spinning around the world, with him trying desperately to look composed when he clearly was not! The moral of this story is that Trump should start to make nice with all the hotshot journalists in town, invite them for dinner, give them lollypops, treat them with respect, draw them into your confidence, be a great media lover. Then, just maybe, the papers won't be so harsh. I can't guarantee it, but part of Trump's problem is that he hates the media and he keeps on telling them that he hates them because of all the fake news. Well, Trump, there ain't nothing fake about sacking Comey. That's a big deal and you threw it into the fire without so much as a mini briefing all lined up for the media to put the whole thing in context. Live and learn!

Trump's Feebi moment

There must be something intensely satisfying about being able to sack, sorry, terminate, the director of the FBI. Trump did it in a swirl, wrote a brief letter and sent it by hand with his trusted private security man to FBI headquarters. He couldn't say: "You're fired", because James Comey might have thought it was Trump playing the Apprentice game for a laugh. So, that huge word, TERMINATE, was deployed instead. Not, your job is terminated, but you are terminated!! Wow, that's a letter to keep for the CV. I'll get to the whys and wherefores in a minute. But let's first remember J Edgar Hoover. He was the first FBI director and he served under six presidents, four of whom, Harry Truman, Dwight Eisenhower, John F Kennedy and Richard Nixon, wanted to sack him but none of them dared. This was because the nice Mr Hoover had built up such a mountain of files on every president, including all their foibles and secret desires and naughty stuff, that none of them ever got to write a Trump-type termination letter. Now Comey had only been FBI director for three and a half years, but he must have gathered a few snippets of interest to store away. Probably not that much with Obama. He always seemed pretty squeaky clean. But Trump, oh my goodness, where could he start? And of course, as soon as he started getting his best investigators to trawl through wiretaps of Russian officials and SVR types in Washington and back in Moscow, hunting for any collusion evidence between Trump campaign members and the Ruskies, he must have thought he was going to find some golden nuggets;especially after Christopher Steele, the British former MI6 intelligence officer, revealed in a leaked dossier that Trump had been photographed in a Moscow hotel in his pre-president days, having a few lovely ladies urinating on his person, for pleasure. The great Golden Shower affair. Fake news, said Trump, and I guess I believe him. He couldn't have been so stupid, surely, to do any such thing in a Moscow hotel? But Steele came up with masses of financial skulduggery as well. No one has really managed to provide any evidence to back up Steele's claims. He was a good intelligence officer, but my reading of the dossier was that this was a man who had spent years in MI6 and was now, as a private security consultant, making a few bob by throwing in everything he had ever heard on the street or in gossipy wine bars about Trump's exploits. It was not a dossier that was ever going to be taken totally seriously as a result. Poor judgment in my view. But this is all yesterday. What about Comey today? Did he learn anything incriminating about Trump campaign team collusion with Moscow to destroy Hillary Clinton? And will he now reveal all to the Senate and House intelligence committees, free, as he is, to speak his mind unencumbered by FBI confidentiality restrictions? Will he become Trump's worst enemy, and will it bring Trump down? I seriously doubt he has such evidence. James Clapper, the former director of national intelligence, has stated that there is no evidence of collusion. Clapper is not a Trump man. He served under Obama. If he says there was no collusion, then I tend to believe him. Trump must have felt safe terminating Comey, because he knew there had been no collusion, not with his name on it anyway. He'd basically gone off Comey because instead of saving the country from terrorists and other bad guys he appeared to be spending all his time delving into the election campaign trying to detect any smell of Russian interference and plotting. Comey had also rudely dismissed Trump's allegation that Obama had tapped his phones in Trump Tower. That must have pissed him off. How dare the director of the FBI poo poo his claim, and in public! So Comey's days were numbered from that moment on. It's just that Trump's timing is terrible. He chose to terminate Comey just as Sergei Lavrov, the lugubrious Russian foreign minister, was about to have a session with him in the White House. Conspiracy theorists went wild! So, here is my prediction for what will happen after the intelligence committees and FBI have concluded their investigations: there will be NO prima facie evidence of collusion between Moscow and Trump or anyone else but there will be new dirt on one person - Mike Flynn. So, the book will be thrown at Flynn, and he could go to jail, unless, of course, he does a deal. But whatever he offers in return for keeping out of prison, no one is going to believe him, not on his record. Trump will carry on and complete his four years. After that is anyone's guess.

Trump's Afghanistan problem

Every instinct in Trump's head will warn him against sending more US troops to Afghanistan. That place is a bottomless pit of disaster. There is no way anyone is ever going to defeat the Taliban - ie remove them from the Earth. They will always be around. They're Afghans after all, most of them. But what does he do when General Jim Mattis, trusted adviser on military matters, says to him this week: "Look, Mr President, I know you don't want to get further involved in Afghanistan but the job isn't finished. We've had a go for 16 years but the Taliban are still strong, they've taken over most of Helmand province, they're back in all their old haunts, they're killing Afghan soldiers at a phenominal rate, they show no signs of wanting to negotiate peace, and we only have 8,400 troops there to assist them. We need to send more, at least 3,000, and may be more." The trouble with this argument is that an extra 3,000 American troops will do almost nothing to change the dire situation in Afghanistan. I know for a fact that a very senior former military man close to Trump advised him that the only way to make a difference now is to return to Afghanistan all those "enabling" troops - ie support personnel - who were removed by Obama. That means logistics guys, intelligence specialists, Apache attack helicopter crews, communications units etc etc. If Trump were to agree to that, it would mean sending perhaps 15,000 to 20,000 more troops back into the cauldron. It makes most military sense, but I doubt Trump will buy it. He will probably say, what's the point? We tried all that before and it didn't work. Or at least it worked while they were all there but as soon as they were withdrawn, it was back to square one. Why? Because the Afghan national security forces are basically an infantry army. They just don't have the huge back-up which was supplied by the Americans when they were there in huge numbers. So Trump will probably say, ok let's send 3,000 more troops provided you can guarantee they will really make a difference. But they won't. The US sent 300 more Marines to Helmand to boost the Afghan army there. But they are not there as combat troops and there's not much they can do to win back Helmand from the Taliban who have seized control of all the areas once fought over at huge casualty cost by the Brits and Americans way back. I'm not suggesting we, the West, abandons Afghanistan. But the Taliban are not going to be forced to the negotiating table if the Americans send just another 3,000 troops, none of whom will be combat-authorised. Ok, if the Brits and Dutch and French and Germans etc each send another 1,000, the numbers could mount up. But that is NOT going to happen. There are elections going on and no European leader wants to put Afghanistan at the top of any must-do list. The Taliban just have to wait to get what they want. They have time and patience and the will. We, us, the West, we have other things to worry about, eg North Korea, Iran, Russia, China. If Trump does decide to go for the 3,000 extra, the war will go on without any real pressure on the Taliban to seek peace. If he were to send 20,000, that would make a big difference but it will probably mean America's military involvement in Afghanistan will continue for the whole of Trump's four-year term and probably into his second four-year term if he wins again. I doubt he would consider that a good idea. So the stalemate in Afghanistan will continue. It is a shocking example of how military might does not and cannot win in a country like Afghanistan where the insurgents are part of the landscape and, incidentally, while the Taliban leaders can stay safe in their two sanctuaries in Pakistan, assisted I am sure by the Pakistani military and intelligence apparatus. Now there is something you can do, President Trump. Clear out the Taliban hierarchy from Quetta and Miramshar, close to the Afghan border. Ok, you can't drop another of those mother of all bombs in these two places, but you can give an ultimatum to the Pakistani government: drive these b******* out of there, or Pakistan is off the partner list for good.

Le Pen rings Trump

Marine Le Pen doesn't like the polls and rings Trump for advice. Le Pen: "Monsieur le President, Marine Le Pen here. I want to ask votre advice." Trump: "Sure, go ahead. Who is that again?" Le Pen: "Marine Le Pen, Monsieur le President. La France, vive la France." Trump: "Does Jared know you're ringing? Le Pen: "Qui, qui est Jared?" Trump: "My son-in-law." Le Pen: "Aaaah, non, I don't have 'is number." Trump: "Well be quick, or I'll be in trouble. You know what in-laws can be like." Le Pen: "Mais oui, Monsieur le President, I need to ask you about the Russians." Trump: "Not you as well, everyone wants to ask me about the Russians. It's all fake news. I don't know any Russians." Le Pen: "Non non non, I want to ask how I can get the Russians to make sure I get elected." Trump: "Look, Marie, I won because the American people love me. Russia had nothing to do with it." Le Pen: "Mais, bien sure, Monsieur le President, je comprends mais just give me a number to ring." Trump: "Marie, you've got it all wrong. Just tell the French people you want France first, you'll win ok." Le Pen: "That ees what I told them already. Don't you read the papers?" Trump: "I don't speak French." Le Pen: "My campaign, my campaign ees all about putting France first!!!" Trump: "Ok ok, keep your blouse on." Le Pen: "It's true what they say, you are against women." Trump: "Look Marie, I love women, everything about me grabbing whatsits is all fake news." Le Pen: "My name is Marine." Trump: "Marie, I've got to go, I have Trudeau on the other line." Le Pen: "But what about the Russians? I want them to destroy Macron." Trump: "Can't help you, Marie. If the Russians want to destroy Macron I'm sure they will." Le Pen: "Shall I speak to Jared?" Trump: "He doesn't know any Russians either." Le Pen: "But I thought the Russians wanted you to win and not Hillary." Trump: "Maybe, but I can't speak about it, the NSA and FBI might be listening." Le Pen: "If I win, can I come to the White House?" Trump: "Sure, Marie, any time."

Watch out for President Marine Le Pen

I think secretly a lot more French men and women who claim to be supporting Macron really want Marine Le Pen to win. It's the Trump situation all over again. Thousands and thousands, nay millions, of Americans who claimed to be voting for Hillary, actually voted for Trump. They just didn't have the courage to say out loud that they wanted Trump in the White House for fear of being ridiculed, hated or despised by their friends, family and next-door neighbours. I suspect the same is happening in France. Your middle class, well educated French voter would not dare to say they are going to vote for Le Pen and will speak hopefully about Emmanuel Macron as if he is the new saviour of France. But really deep down they don't want an unknown bloke who looks quire nice but is all wishy-washy about immigration and adores the EU. He will be Merkel's man no question. So when they go into the ballot box, these middle class decent voters will cautiously look over their shoulder and then put the cross against Le Pen and quickly sneak away into the night, pretending to have voted for Macron. So watch out on Sunday night. The polls indicate a landslide for Macron. But this is the new era, the era when a man like Trump became president of the USA, and Erdogan became the new Attaturk. It is not out of the question that Marine Le Pen will be president of France on Sunday. I could be wrong but I am sure there are a lot of French voters who will just say to themselves, "Oh zut, enough of these little men, let's go for the blousy Marine".

Trump going for broke

Some names mentioned in this blog are going to be given special nicknames. Most will be obvious. There's a lot going on. Trump (now Pomp) is going to go for the Holy Grail, a peace settlement in the Middle East. No one has succeeded before. Bill Clinton got as close as anyone but was then betrayed by the slimey Arafat who clearly decided he could not be the Palestinian leader who did a deal with the hated Israelis. So, after pretty well agreeing to sign, he then didn't. Arafat has a lot to answer for, except he's dead. But Pomp is now determined to have a go and after a meeting with Abbas, the Palestinian boss, he believes he has all the answers. Good luck President Pomp. You have to deal with BB Notonyahoo, a tricky customer if ever there was one. If Abbas agrees to sign, Notonyahoo will renege at the last moment because he won't want to be the Israeli leader who does a deal with the Palestinians. Oh no, not on his Rolex watch. So have a go, Pomp, by all means but the rest of the world will not be holding its breath. Then Pomp wants to have a deal with Poohtin about bringing peace to Syria. Well all the talk about a ceasefire is causing some confusion. I thought there was supposed to be a ceasefire already. But if Pomp and Poohtin can sort something out, and President Acid will go along with it, all well and good. Syria and the Syrian people have had enough. This once wonderful dignified country with a history of nobility has faced so much slaughter there's not much country left. Acid, like Arafat, has a lot to account for, and he's still alive. If Pomp fails with the Palestinian/Israeli impasse and Syria, there's no one else capable of stepping in. Theresa Mayormaynot has no influence in the Middle East, the soon-to-be President of France, Emmanuel Micron, is an unknown quantity, and Chancellor Angela Dorothea Schmerkel has her sights set elsewhere. Good luck President Pomp, you're on your own.

Trump has no mates

It's difficult for Trump. Basically, looking around the world, he has no mates.There's no one he can ring up for a chat and a gossip and a sorting-out-the-world sort of conversation. Not with anyone. Bill Clinton had his old mate Tony Blair, a right swinging couple they made, especially when Bill was on the trumpet and when they had deep discussions about the Third Way, whatever that meant. George W Bush had....er, his old mate Tony Blair. They loved wearing the same sort of leather jacket and mucking around on his Crawford ranch talking about bumping off Saddam Hussein. Ronnie Reagan, of course, had his Maggie, although there must have been times when Ronnie thought, oh God it's Maggie Thatcher on the phone again, what's she going to tick me off about now? But they got on fine. George H W Bush had all his old CIA chums to chew the fat with. Gerald Ford, well I haven't a clue who his best mates were, apart from his wife. But Trump can find no mates whenever he looks in the "Foreign Section" of his contacts book. There's Theresa the other side of the Atlantic. But although he held her hand when he went to London, he washed both his hands pretty damn soon after, and I can't see him regarding Theresa as a bosom pal. What on earth would they talk about on the phone? He can't rely on the Brits sending a division anywhere these days. It would be a helluva job just getting a brigade together from the tiny army that David Cameron left behind before he skipped it after the Brexit disaster. He can't talk trade with Theresa because in London he said the UK would be in the front of the queue but when he got back to Washington he said exactly the opposite. In fact just like Obama did. So a chatline with London is out. Then there's Merkel. Absolutely no way. There's about as much chemistry between them as a large stick of candyfloss and a potato. He's also slightly scared of her because she always speaks her mind and sticks to it. He can't stand people like that. What about Trudeau? No, he's too damn handsome and makes him feel like an old fart. Secretly he hates Canadians anyway. Xi Zinping was supposed to be his new soulmate, what with needing to sort out Kim Jong-un together, but Trump learned very quickly that Chinese leaders don't do soulmate stuff and they are two- or even three-faced chaps who smile enigmatically but never really stop plotting behind your back. Anyway, you can't talk to a bloke who speaks Mandarin and then the translation is very very dodgy. Putin. Well, Putin was going to be his great mate but it kinda didn't work out that way. He had forgotten that Putin spent most of his life in the KGB and was therefore totally completely utterly untrustworthy. Trump has decided he doesn't like Putin. All that bare-chest horse riding and karate makes him sick with envy. That's about it in the Foreign Section of his contacts book. He has never spoken to Hollande and hasn't a clue about this little bloke Macron who will now definitely win the French presidential election because the whole political establishment will back him just to keep out Marine Le Pen. Trump will never be friends with Macron. He married someone 24 years older than him for God's sake. Mind you, showing off his much younger wife will be fun if he ever has to invite Macron to the White House. There's no one else around to ring. He has no idea who the leaders of Holland, Denmark, Spain, Italy, Belgium etc etc are, so they are off the list. So, there we go. Trump has no mates. He'll just have to make do with Ivanka.