Where's my ****** carrier?

It's Donald Trump's turn to be apoplectic. He was specifically told that he had sent a nuclear-powered aircraft carrier strike group off to the Korean peninsula. He had read it somewhere, or heard it somewhere, CNN, Fox News, Navy Times. He definitely saw it mentioned. So why the hell was it not there when Kim Jong-un held his stupid military parade, with giant intercontinental ballistic missiles, probably made out of paper mache? Trump to General Jim Mattis: "Mad dog, what happened?" Mattis: "Mr President, I was told it was heading for the Sea of Japan. I was also told the maritime exercise with the Australians had been cancelled because of it." Trump: "So why is it swanning around in the Indian Ocean, 3,500 miles away from all the action?" Mattis: "It's a miscomprehension, I mean a misunderstanding or probably a miscommunication, Mr President." Trump: "Mattis, this is the 21st century. We have the best communications system in the world, how can there be confusion about where one of my carriers is." Mattis: "It's the Navy's fault. That chap Admiral Harris, Pacific Command, it's all his fault." Trump: "So, tell him he's fired." Mattis: "But anything military comes under me. The buck stops with me." Trump: "So, should I fire you?" Mattis: "I serve at your pleasure, Mr President." Trump: "I'm the commander-in-chief, I'm the one in charge. I say, fire Harris." Mattis: "It was all a mix-up, Sir, I'm sorry. Admiral Harris didn't actually say he was sending the carrier to the Korean peninsula, he just said the Western Pacific." Trump: "So why did it turn round and go in the opposite direction, answer me that?" Mattis: "Well it went back before it went forward, as it were." Trump: "No carriers under my watch go back before going forward. Do I make myself clear?" Mattis: "Yes, Mr President." Trump: "It was a good week for me, and then this rubbish is appearing in all the papers." Mattis: "I'm sorry, Mr President. What you need is a diversion." Trump: "What sort of diversion?" Mattis: "Perhaps you could publish your tax returns." Trump: "GET OUT MAD DOG!!"