Eavesdropping on Trump

Ok, let's make it clear from the start, GCHQ, the UK Government's signals intelligence eavesdropping centre shaped like a doughnut in Cheltenham, did not, would not want to, shouldn't ever, and will never listen in on the telephone conversations of President Donald J Trump. And also never did when he was president-elect sitting in Trump Tower. Right, got that out of the way, whatever Trump himself believes. Apart from the obvious - you don't eavesdrop on your closest ally or someone who is looking very likely to be your closest ally. Well that's supposed to be a golden rule although, as we know from past experience, it has not always been the case. We bugged the French once. They're pretty close allies. And we probably got from the Americans what Merkel was talking about on her private phone during the Obama era. But bugging Trump? Don't be silly, absolutely not. GCHQ which hardly ever makes any public statements, has described the eavesdropping allegation against Trump as ridiculous. I believe them, although we're never going to know for sure, because that's the way intelligence-gathering works. You never know!! But if GCHQ had bugged Trump in Trump Tower, it can be safely assumed that the following vital intelligence would have been uncovered:
Mobile phone chit-chat between president-elect and the Russian president:
"Hi, is that President Putin?"
"Who wants to know?"
"Trump here."
"Ah Mr Trump how nice to hear you."
"Now look here, Putin, can we do business or what?"
"You want to sell me something, build a golf course near my dacha?"
"No, proper business. You know, be allies and stuff."
"Always ready to do business of course."
"We could sort out Syria together."
"Absolutely."
"We could stop spying on each other."
"Excellent."
"You could stop killing your opponents."
"I don't have any opponents."
"I know, that's because you keep assassinating them."
"Mr Trump this is, as you say, fake news. Don't believe what you read in the Western press."
"Well put that to one side for the moment, I want you to stop cyber-attacking the US."
"Certainly, Mr Trump, provided you stop cyber-attacking Russia."
"Call me Donald."
"Donald."
"If I get Mike Flynn to call your man in DC, can he discuss things?"
"Certainly, Donald. Call me Vlad."
"Like what we could do together in Syria?"
"Yes, just one thing."
"Yes?"
"Lift all these outrageous sanctions against my friends."
"That was Obama."
"So, when you're president, just lift them. Then we can do business."
"I'll get Flynn to raise it.....eh...Vlad."
"Good, we like your Flynn."
"Congress might not like it."
"Then do what I do."
"Which is?"
"I make a decision, everyone follows. It's easy."
"But we're a democracy."
"And so are we, Donald, so are we."
"Yeah, right. I'll get Flynn to contact your man here."
"Good, nice doing business with you Mr President-elect."